Johnny's letter to santa

kepten

Addicted

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Raleigh-Phoenix
Posts: 405

23.12.2003 - 09:52

ok..if you're easily offended don't read it or don't blame me!

Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today,the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occured since the beginning of the month. When filled with illusion I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electrictrain set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I knew it would take alot of effort and positive energy to deserve such gifts. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, towards my parents, my brother, my friends, and with my nieghbors. I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. Help people put their groceries in the car at the local supermarket. I ate every vegetable that came near me, including brussel sprouts, and I did the dishes everynight for 6 months. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for the good of humanity.

What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a cheap fucking whistle, and a bullshit pair of polyester socks. What the fuck were you thinking you son of a bitch? You think you can take advantage of me, you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that you can't evenwalk through his fucking house. Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll slap you upside that white fucking head of yours and throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking north pole, just like me everyday after school in fucking blizzards since you didn't get me that fucking bike. You're a cocksucker. FUCK YOU SANTA.

Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you fat son of a bitch.

Sincerely,

Little Johnny

kepten

Addicted

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Raleigh-Phoenix
Posts: 405

23.12.2003 - 09:53

Dear Johnny,

I know WHO you are, and I KNOW where you live. You little shit! You can't talk to SANTA like that and get away with it!

If you don't like the yo-yo, which is a classic toy, by the way, then you can just cram it up your little *$$! As for the whistle you didn't care for -- I gotcha whistle right here!!! Come blow on this! And the socks ... well, I figured you are big enough to be whacking off, and those sox would have come in handy and been handy to ... well, even you should get the picture!

And... that little "faggot" across the street, you'll be happy to know that he's already got pubic hair and his whang is TWICE as long as yours. Besides, his parents think YOU're the fag --always moanin' and whinin'.

Don't worry about gathering up rocks for my visit to your house next year, 'cause I ain't coming down your chimney ever again. If you find any pennies this year, you had better stop and pick them up, 'cause that's about all you're going to get for Christmas. Your mom and dad are doing to be killed in a car crash, and you'll be stuck in an orphanage before Thanksgiving.

Bad? You want BAD? I'll show you who's bad!

Affectionally, Adieu,
Santa

semteX

begehrt die rostschaufel

Registered: Oct 2002
Location: Pre
Posts: 14575

23.12.2003 - 10:11

LOL

HaBa

Legend
Dr. Funkenstein

Registered: Mar 2001
Location: St. Speidl / Gle..
Posts: 19714

23.12.2003 - 10:17

Da passen die dann auch

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really
really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa

------------------------------

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and
daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging
her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa

------------------------

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face. You want
to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a bottle of Jaegermeister and a couple of Cohibas!
Santa

-----------------------

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE!
Jimmy

Jimmy,
That *****y-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here.
You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

----------------------------

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time
squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.
Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa

-----------------------------

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How
'bout I send you a f------ book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa

-------------------------------

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

---------------------------

Dear Santa,
I need more Harry Potter cards please! All my friends have
more Harry Potter cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my f------ mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars
worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning
to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes
and Ladders."
Santa

----------------------------

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit,
a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who in the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa

------------------------------

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house!
Santa

------------------------------

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your ass whipped
at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex
you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through
your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!
Santa

T3XT4

Beißer

Registered: Jan 2003
Location: .
Posts: 3794

23.12.2003 - 10:18

naja..

kann mich nicht wirklich begeistern...

hat aber dennoch etwas lustiges

die vom haba können schon mehr

Bearbeitet von T3XT4 am 23.12.2003, 10:20

Daywalker

im Stress

Registered: Apr 2002
Location: Linz
Posts: 2820

23.12.2003 - 11:31

nice

like it
merry christmas btw

sk/\r

i never asked for this

Registered: Dec 2002
Location: oö
Posts: 10851

24.12.2003 - 01:30

Zitat
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

BÖSE!

BigJuri

Reservoir Dog

Registered: Jan 2003
Location: Wien
Posts: 5468

24.12.2003 - 01:43

rofl, die Briefe können was.

kepten Addicted Registered: Jul 2000 Location: Raleigh-Phoenix Posts: 405	23.12.2003 - 09:52 ok..if you're easily offended don't read it or don't blame me! Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I'm writing you today,the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occured since the beginning of the month. When filled with illusion I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electrictrain set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I knew it would take alot of effort and positive energy to deserve such gifts. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, towards my parents, my brother, my friends, and with my nieghbors. I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. Help people put their groceries in the car at the local supermarket. I ate every vegetable that came near me, including brussel sprouts, and I did the dishes everynight for 6 months. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for the good of humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a cheap fucking whistle, and a bullshit pair of polyester socks. What the fuck were you thinking you son of a bitch? You think you can take advantage of me, you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that you can't evenwalk through his fucking house. Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll slap you upside that white fucking head of yours and throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking north pole, just like me everyday after school in fucking blizzards since you didn't get me that fucking bike. You're a cocksucker. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you fat son of a bitch. Sincerely, Little Johnny
kepten Addicted Registered: Jul 2000 Location: Raleigh-Phoenix Posts: 405	23.12.2003 - 09:53 Dear Johnny, I know WHO you are, and I KNOW where you live. You little shit! You can't talk to SANTA like that and get away with it! If you don't like the yo-yo, which is a classic toy, by the way, then you can just cram it up your little *$$! As for the whistle you didn't care for -- I gotcha whistle right here!!! Come blow on this! And the socks ... well, I figured you are big enough to be whacking off, and those sox would have come in handy and been handy to ... well, even you should get the picture! And... that little "faggot" across the street, you'll be happy to know that he's already got pubic hair and his whang is TWICE as long as yours. Besides, his parents think YOU're the fag --always moanin' and whinin'. Don't worry about gathering up rocks for my visit to your house next year, 'cause I ain't coming down your chimney ever again. If you find any pennies this year, you had better stop and pick them up, 'cause that's about all you're going to get for Christmas. Your mom and dad are doing to be killed in a car crash, and you'll be stuck in an orphanage before Thanksgiving. Bad? You want BAD? I'll show you who's bad! Affectionally, Adieu, Santa
semteX begehrt die rostschaufel Registered: Oct 2002 Location: Pre Posts: 14575	23.12.2003 - 10:11 LOL
HaBa Legend Dr. Funkenstein Registered: Mar 2001 Location: St. Speidl / Gle.. Posts: 19714	23.12.2003 - 10:17 Da passen die dann auch Dear Santa, I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey Dear Joey, Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with. Santa ------------------------------ Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa ------------------------ Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a bottle of Jaegermeister and a couple of Cohibas! Santa ----------------------- Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE! Jimmy Jimmy, That *****y-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again. Santa ---------------------------- Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know! Santa ----------------------------- Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a f------ book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell! Santa ------------------------------- Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa --------------------------- Dear Santa, I need more Harry Potter cards please! All my friends have more Harry Potter cards than me. Please see what you can do. Love, Michelle Dear Michelle, It blows my f------ mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders." Santa ---------------------------- Dear Santa, I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who in the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays? Santa ------------------------------ Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house! Santa ------------------------------ Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams! Santa
T3XT4 Beißer Registered: Jan 2003 Location: . Posts: 3794	23.12.2003 - 10:18 naja.. kann mich nicht wirklich begeistern... hat aber dennoch etwas lustiges die vom haba können schon mehr Bearbeitet von T3XT4 am 23.12.2003, 10:20
Daywalker im Stress Registered: Apr 2002 Location: Linz Posts: 2820	23.12.2003 - 11:31 nice like it merry christmas btw
sk/\r i never asked for this Registered: Dec 2002 Location: oö Posts: 10851	24.12.2003 - 01:30 Zitat Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa BÖSE!
BigJuri Reservoir Dog Registered: Jan 2003 Location: Wien Posts: 5468	24.12.2003 - 01:43 rofl, die Briefe können was.

Johnny's letter to santa

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kepten

kepten

semteX

HaBa

T3XT4

Daywalker

sk/\r

BigJuri