chuck norris roundhousekick

While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live
ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he
can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and
roundhouse kicked him in the face.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck
Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The
Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse
kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the
scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

Chuck Norris ate his weight at Godfathers pizza.

Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls
a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon
impact.

Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far
too much awesome for a single, however, so it was divided.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined
for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck
twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked
everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone
on the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.

Chuck Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of
pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van
Damme, and Godzilla walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said,
"Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!" right then Chuck Norris turned
around and went, "The name is Chuck Norris!" and he brutally
anniliated all three of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that
night.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was
10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for
this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the
Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris once ejaculated solid gold into a river in India,
bringing profit to the local villagers and causing him to be worshiped
as a God.

Chuck Norris convinced Anakin Skywalker to join the Dark Side of the Force.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is
the 8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band,
and a pinecone.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from
outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris can't eat while standing upright.

Chuck Norris fought a pirate once. It was close but the pirate won.
Chuck has been in a state of chronic depression ever since.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

One drop of Chuck Norris' sweat can cure you of anything, even death.

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell doom in
twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only
Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft
landed in soil by tasting it.

Chuck Norris's heart beats once every full moon.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris signed the Declaration Of Independance, The Bill Of
Rights, and the Constitution while plundering a poor asian village.

The movie "The Ring" is actually just a Chuck Norris biography.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't
find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late
he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick
your ass and take your dollar.

Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex
with 3 women.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck
Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you
have seen in your entire life.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture
found only the skull of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris put the 'k' in 'hardkore.'

Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old
people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host
Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third
breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole
in the ozone layer.

Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and
forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."


fällt noch wem was ein?

ehm frage was für nenn sinn hat das ganze,..???

nein is net von mir.
hab ich im amerikanischen AO forum aufgeschnappt.

aber die sind einfach die absolute onwage


*edit
noch mehr gefunden

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Aircraft carriers aren't really very advanced, they simply use Chuck Norris to round house kick the planes into the air, and the headband he wore in Delta force to stop them when they land

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,
to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris has s3x with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed c0nd0ms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.


Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

SO geil

ich mein stellenweiße genial

besonders der hier (bin fast vom sessel gefallen)

Zitat

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

aber durch was ist das aufgekommen? wegen walker texas rancher?

Zitat

Chuck Norris once impregnated an iguana. This spawned Godzilla. Upon hearing the news, Chuck Norris crushed Godzilla between his enormous thighs and roared so loud, it caused the explosion in Hiroshima. When questioned by reporters, he turned them all into glass and ate them.

omg. genial. könnt den ganzen abend lesen

hmm, was is ein roundhousekick?

OMFG!

Es is so genial, ich hab soviel lachen müssen bei manchen Sachen

Zitat

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Zitat

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Zitat

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Zitat

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,

Da muss aber jemand echt was gegen ihn haben